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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Status Issues

This is a repost of something I had written as a response to a thread about defining one's self as a widow, I am copying it exactly as written, even though it might be slightly out of context in absence of the rest of that thread...

(WARNING: This comment contains sarcasm, if you find it offensive, then don't read it.)
Personally - I don't see myself ever defining myself as a widow, even if I had my parts swapped out, I wouldn't be a widow, because that's not who I was at the time of my loss.  I'd have get my parts swapped out, get married again, and then have another loss to really be a widow, and that's just not going to happen.
As far as identifying myself as a widower, yes I do, I will always be Claire's Widower, one day I may also be Megan's or Crystals's of Kristina's Husband (couldn't help it, I'm in that sort of sarcastic mood), but that would be in addition to, not instead of being Claire's Widower.  There will come a time when a new title will better define what I am at the moment, but the other title will be a part of how I got there.
Now for the real issue, the controversial one, the one that people loose friends and fight with family over.  Your facebook relationship status.  Mine is currently Widowed, it had been married, somewhere probably around 3 months I changed it.  I was definitely ready to, I was OK with identifying myself as a Widower, that hardest part was breaking the link between our profiles, maybe Facebook should have a way to have your relationship status be "Widowed by" just like "Married to" so that the profiles can still be connected.  I left her status as married, there is no option for dead and I'll be damned if she gets to be single again, and to call her a widow, well that makes me dead, so for all eternity, she's still married to me, I can prove it to, on her headstone, that's my last name there in big letter across the top.  As far as my future as far as Facebook relationship statuses, well, if I was casually dating someone, I'd still be widowed, if I were seriously dating someone, well there may be a point in time when it would reflect that, if I got engaged, well it'd be time to change it and have it reflect that, and if I were remarried it would reflect that too.  At this point the link is already broken, but I'm not about to make that connection to someone only to change it back again, so it'll take the right person for me to no longer be "widowed" on Facebook.

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