Anticipation

I was sick last week, M is sick this week, but we made plans to meet, and as of now we're still planning to follow through with them.  Actually, in just 25 hours I should be getting into my car to start me weekend with our first date, first meeting actually.  To say I am excited about getting to meet in person after an amazing month of communicating via electronic mediums would be an understatement.  I mean each time my phone chirps I smile thinking it might be a text from her, which almost 1/2 the time it is, but my GMail makes the same sound, so spam has become a real disappointment.. LOL.

I'm trying not to stress.  I mean to ponder things like is it really best to meet at the end of what has been a really rough week for her, while she's still under the weather, but then I reflect on how badly all I wanted to do was be there for her each time she had an issue this week, and realize that this is my chance to be there for her now.  Or to think about what type of long term ramifications this first in person meeting could ultimately have on the rest of my life, or the impact that us hitting it off could have on so many people in my life over time.  Or to stress about how I know my daughter is going to try waiting up for me, and how I'm sure my MIL will be full of questions when I get home, and how I'll likely hear from them both during the evening, and will have to decide what to tell them, decide how much to share about where I am.  I don't want to keep it a secret, but mentioning that I'm willing to travel to another state to see someone, well that will inevitably lead to a question about how that would work, am I planning on moving, is she, am I going to bring my daughter there with me, what about her kids, etc.

These are all issues that I've spent plenty of time thinking about, and have decided to put on hold.  They are issues I'm happy to discuss with M and some other folks, they are not issues I feel like discussing with my MIL at this point in time, because ultimately, nothing she has to say about the matter is really going to matter, I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and when I need to make a decision I will, and that will be it.

So yeah, I'm looking forward to this date, not looking forward to some of the backlash I'm sure will come, but I'm willing to deal with it.  I should probably be more nervous that I am, but honestly I'm really feeling pretty confident that we're going to hit it off.  I suppose that ultimately that sets me up for a huge disappointment if I'm wrong, but that's something else I'm not going to stress about right now.